Anticipatory grief is an emotional process that takes place when a person has to cope with the imminent loss of a loved one. It is common among family members and loved ones, the terminally ill, and also people with long-term illnesses or those involved in road traffic accidents, for example.
Anticipatory grief can happen to anyone without prior warning. For this reason, it is necessary to know and understand how such a situation develops in order to be able to cope with it and prevent it from having a negative influence on the daily lives of those it directly affects.
What is anticipatory grief?
Anticipatory grief is a type of grief that is initiated before the actual loss of someone occurs. It is triggered when a person knows or fears that they are going to lose a loved one in the near future. Properly managed, this adaptive mechanism of the brain allows people to prepare themselves emotionally for an impending loss.
During anticipatory grief it is common to experience a mixture of intense emotions. These may include sadness, anxiety, outrage and hopelessness, and can be as strong as the emotions felt as a result of the actual loss. Anticipatory grief is therefore a great opportunity to begin to accept the reality of the loss, to say goodbye and to be able to resolve unfinished business with a loved one before they pass away.
Differences between anticipatory grief and conventional grief
Although anticipatory grief and conventional grief share many similarities, they also have some key differences.
- Anticipatory grief begins before the loss, when the likelihood of a loved one's death is perceived, whereas conventional grief starts after the loss has occurred.
- Those experiencing anticipatory grief may experience anxiety and need emotional preparation. Conventional grief focuses more on feelings such as sadness and adjusting to a new life without the loved one.
- Those experiencing anticipatory grief must deal with their feelings while a loved one is still alive, whereas the emotional impact of conventional grief focuses on the definitive absence of the loved one.
Common causes of anticipatory grief
Anticipatory grief can arise for a variety of reasons. Here are some of the most common ones.
- Diagnoses such as advanced cancer or neurodegenerative diseases that lead to a progressive deterioration of the patient's health.
- Chronic diseases such as Alzheimer's or Parkinson's which lead to a gradual loss of the patient's abilities.
- Severe trauma resulting in a prolonged critical state, such as transplants or high-risk surgery.
- Prolonged disappearances or natural disasters.
In addition, anticipatory grief can also be triggered by the illness of a pet or even in circumstances that have little or nothing to do with death, such as the loss of a job or a break-up.
Stages of anticipatory grief: what to expect
Anticipatory grief can include up to five stages which you need to be aware of in order to cope in similar situations.
Denial or shock
A person may experience a sense of disbelief and denial at the news of an impending loss. It is normal to feel that the situation is not real and to avoid confronting the seriousness of the situation.
Anger
Anger is a natural reaction to the feelings of helplessness and perceived injustice in the face of an upcoming loss. People may direct their anger towards themselves, the loved one who is ill, or even at medical professionals.
Negotiation
Here, the person tries to find ways to delay or avoid the loss. This may include promises of behavioural changes, seeking alternative treatments or an irrational hope that the situation will improve.
Depression
This stage is caused by the deep sadness and emptiness that accompanies the anticipation of loss. It may result in a loss of interest in daily activities, feelings of hopelessness and social isolation.
Acceptance
Finally, the person begins to accept the reality of the loss to come. Grief is still present, but there is an increased ability to cope and to start adapting to life without their loved one.
Advice and strategies for dealing with anticipatory grief
Each case of anticipatory grief is unique, but there are certain recommendations that can help you deal with this process in a healthier way.
Seek emotional support
Talking to friends, family or a therapist about your feelings and participating in support groups where you are able to share experiences can be very helpful in moving forward.
Keep a routine of exercise, healthy eating and rest
Doing sport keeps the mind engaged, and when combined with healthy eating and proper rest, it will make you feel much better overall.
Keep your thoughts and feelings in a diary
Using writing as a support tool enables you to unburden yourself. It also allows you to go back and better understand what you are feeling and how to cope with anticipatory grief.
Occupy your time doing something helpful
Reading books with protagonists who are dealing with a similar situation or watching films that deal with grief not only entertains, but can also provide a different point of view from which to approach your recovery.
Anticipatory grief is a situation that everyone, to a greater or lesser extent, will have to go through in their lives so it is very important to know how to deal with it.
