What should you say when a loved one dies? Finding the most appropriate words when you are scattering the ashes of your loved one is not easy. Today, at Stelae, we will offer some advice and ideas to help you face that moment and express your emotions so that everyone present can identify with your feelings.
Words and reflections for scattering ashes
When the time comes to scatter the ashes of a loved one, even if there is no solemn ceremony, families can celebrate a small intimate memorial tribute as a farewell. During this time, it is important to find the right words when scattering the ashes to honour the life of the deceased.
It is an act of farewell that can be emotional and meaningful for those involved. Here are some tips on how to choose the best words when scattering the ashes of your loved one and to express your emotions appropriately:
- Shared memories. You can start by remembering special moments you shared with the deceased. If the ashes are scattered in a place that was meaningful to them, you can say something like, “We shared many happy moments here.” This will give you the opportunity to recall a few anecdotes.
- Gratitude. Express your gratitude for having had the opportunity to know and experience moments with that person. Say something like, “Thank you for the time we shared.”
But we can be more specific when it comes to finding the right words when scattering the ashes of a loved one:
Personal and meaningful messages
It is important to make the message personal. Don't just say phrases that anyone could say, but make sure that the message has a meaning that reminds everyone present of the person:
- Say their name, use your loved one’s own words (remember phrases that they used to say, read messages that your loved one wrote). And express your feelings, gratitude and love toward that person.
- Look for verses or quotes that reflect the personality or beliefs of the deceased. These words can add depth to the ceremony.
Finding the most appropriate words when scattering the ashes is not easy, but it will always be easier if the message you convey makes the other family members present at their farewell identify with them. It will have more meaning and will therefore be more emotional and authentic.
Expressing emotions
Naturally, during moments of grief, it is inevitable to feel emotional when saying a few words whilst scattering the ashes:
- It is natural to feel sadness and intense emotions during this act. Don’t be afraid to shed a few tears and show emotions. "Today, we cry together, but we also celebrate the life he/she lived." This phrase will also help you connect with the rest of family, friends and relatives who had affection for your loved one.
- Share anecdotes and memories of your loved one. Invite others to do the same. This can help to relieve sadness and remember happy times. “I will never forget when…” is a good way to start.
Expressing the emotions you feel at such a time is a way to face pain and to empathise with other people who are experiencing the same feelings as you.
Moments of reflection
When saying farewell to a loved one, the words used whilst scattering the ashes can invite reflection:
- After scattering the ashes of your loved one, take a moment to be silent and meditate. Reflect on that person’s life and the influence they had on your life, using your words so that others do too. “Let’s take a minute of silence to remember,” is a good way to invite reflection.
- End the ceremony with a promise to keep the memory of your loved one alive. "We will never forget your love and your influence in our lives. Your memory will last forever in our hearts", are good words to use while scattering the ashes and concluding the act of homage to that person.
Scattering the ashes of a loved one is a very emotional and personal moment. These words and reflections can help you find comfort and honour their memory. Remember that the important thing is that it is an act that is meaningful to you and to those who share that moment with you.
Remember that not everyone wants to hold a farewell ceremony when a loved one dies. Increasingly, either because of the deceased's own wishes or because of the family’s decision, direct cremation is chosen. It is the quickest and easiest way to say goodbye to a loved one, and is, therefore, also the most economical. You can find out more about the different options and prices of this funeral service from Stelae.
